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Sharks Gameday: The Lovesong of G. Alex Stalock

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Bye, Al. Your career had almost every element of a feel-good redemption story, except the last part.

Sharks starting goaltender Lord James Martin Reimer-Jones, 8th Viscount of Creassex
Sharks starting goaltender Lord James Martin Reimer-Jones, 8th Viscount of Creassex

This was so close to a feel-good story. In the movie version, Stalock starts game 6 against the guy that almost destroyed his career, saves his team's season, and leads his team past their history and to the Cup. Real-life feel-good stories are as rare as snow leopards, though. In the real world, the ref isn't going to give a goalie like Stalock a quick whistle, and Justin Williams can continue hacking away at the pads until it chips through to the goal. In the real world, that was the end of the promising part of Stalock's career, and it's been a free-fall since then. He's tried like hell, but it isn't enough, and we all got to watch an athletes dream die in front of us. Watching Stalock was like watching a working class family overcome a series of struggles but go bankrupt anyway. Sports!

But now some hope! Our new goaltending tandem is James Martin Reimer-Jones, the 8th Viscount of Creassex.

James Martin Reimer-Jones

Lord Reimer-Jones, at his hunting grounds on the Isles of Skye

They (probably) fixed the gas leak in Doug Wilson's office

Sam Fels ( asked me if they'd fixed the gas leak in Doug Wilson's office awhile back. I wasn't sure. But the Reimer trade, and waiving Mike Brown, makes me thing so, yes. Unless they hired an unpaid intern to hold their finger against the pipe until they pass out, and Wilson trades Marleau for David Clarkson straight up in a state of unhinged euphoria.

Sharks @ Canucks

Wait, these assholes are still in the league? Surely we would have played them by late February, since they're in our own division. Is this a friendly? Are we part of FIFA?

4:00 PM Pacific - wait, what? This is a west coast game. This has to be a soccer match.

Prediction: Brent Burns scores in stoppage time, the Sharks advance on goal differential to play Nottingham Forest in the round of 16 of the Lorrytorch Cup, and Lord Reimer-Jones enjoys a fine aged claret decanted by his butler post-match.