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Sharks Gameday: Stay safe in St. Louis

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St. Louis won the silver medal for "most sexually diseased city in the US". Please, Sharks, don't catch an STD from them.

Fiery red alert!
Fiery red alert!

According to a blog entry on hilariously titled "These are The Most Sexually Diseased Cities in the USA", St. Louis is the second most sexually transmitted disease ridden city in the US, just edged out by Montgomery, Alabama (Roll Tide!).

That's some good content right there. I always consult web sites for which city I should live, and staying free of chlamydia is a major factor in all my lease arrangements.

St. Louis has an STD rate of 1867.54 cases per 100,000 people, which is 1.9%. Given that an NHL roster is 23 people, that means that 0.44 members of the St. Louis Blue statistically have an STD. I'm going to round that up to one, because I'm an asshole and the BoC is not a peer-reviewed journal. Not since we had our accreditation revoked.

So, which St. Louis Blue probably has an STD? I have no real way of knowing, so I'm going to use my intuition, and an online anagram generator. I'll feed in the name of the player, and find the most STD-worthy anagram name.

Vladimir Tarasenko - Skindive Amoral Rat

Alexander Steen - Latexes End Near

David Backes - Vice Bask Add

Kevin Shattenkirk - Kinkier Thanks Vet

Paul Stastny - Salty Nut Asp

Alex Pietrangelo - Relaxing Atop Eel

Troy Brouwer - Woe Try Burro

Jori Lehtera - Jilt Hoe Rare

Colton Parayko - Okay Colon Trap

Robby Fabbri - Fir Bobby Bra

Jay Bouwmeester - Major Yes Ewe Tub

Dmitrij Jaskin - [amazingly, no anagrams can be made from his name]

Scottie Upshall - Cultists Hoe Pal

Patrik Berglund - Bankrupt Girdle

Joel Edmundson - Mojo Nude Lends

Carl Gunnarsson - Nuns Cargo Snarl

Magnus Paajarvi - Vajina Ajar Umps

Ty Rattie - Ye Tit Rat

Jaden Schwartz - Jaws Crazed Nth

Kyle Brodziak - Lazy Broke Kid

Steve Ott - Veto Test

Ryan Reaves - Nervy Areas

Robert Bortuzzo - Buzz Boot Terror

Jake Allen - Jake En All

Brian Elliott - Inertial Bolt

Well, that was easy. It's clearly Steve Ott aka Veto Test.

Sharks @ Blues

5:00 PM PST

Prediction: The Sharks avoid hitting Steve Ott because they don't want to get syphilis.