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Kings Gameday: Milan nose best

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oh ho ho what a clever title

"I said pull my fucking finger!"
"I said pull my fucking finger!"
Matt Kartozian-USA TODAY Sports

It is a big day for Milan Lucic. He returns to Boston. The city he broke into the NHL at, and where he won one (1) Cup at. Yesterday, Milan decided to write about returning to Boston, which was pretty surprising. In that I didn't think it was really necessary. I mean, who cares about Boston? Mike Richards got kicked to the curb by the Kings after two Stanley Cups and he only wrote an updated resume to every other NHL team.

So what did Milan Lucic write about?

He talked about how he didn't know jack shit about the Boston Bruins' history because no one really gave a shit. I found out he is of Yugoslavian descent, and I could only think of the stupid game Yu-Gi-Oh! And he talked about Vancouver. A lot.

Whatever was on Hockey Night in Canada was all we knew. And 99 percent of the time, it was the Maple Leafs or the Canucks.

You begin to understand this poor guy a bit. He is a misunderstood giant. You cannot blame a guy for lashing out when all you have to grow up on is the Canucks and Maple Leafs. It's a wonder he survived at all. However, as things go on, his true feelings about the Boston Bruins begin to come out.

But Zdeno is a monster.

Too true. But Milan calling out a former teammate for unspeakable actions was shocking. And they were so unspeakable, Milan didn't care to elaborate on them, but we know now. Thank you Milan for shining a light on this...this monster.

Hi, I’m Zdeno. Like I didn’t know. Like I wasn’t freaking out about it.

It appears Milan was well aware of the monster before he even met it personally. It takes a lot of courage to admit when you are scared. Thankfully, there were some other pure souls in Beantown.

Thankfully, Boston was full of guys who had my back. One of them was Shawn Thornton.

Ah yes. I cannot think of a better mentor and role model for a young impressionable player. Shawn "The Superior" Thornton is a legend still beloved in Boston, and he's a invaluable asset for the Sunrise Not the Super Bowl Panthers. In fact, Shawn "Won a Cup" Thornton, advised a young Milan that winning a fight isn't as important as not losing it. Milan goes on to talk about his first fights and how he doesn't remember them, so maybe he should have tried to win those.

Lucic goes on and on about fighting, and how Bruins fans love that shit, and how he became addicted to their cheers from it. Really low class stuff of course. But we all are familiar with that, right?

Milan then tries to recall his fondest memories of Boston.

Or being up 3-games-to-none against the Flyers and somehow blowing the series. Still the saddest I’ve ever seen a locker room.

I can only imagine. What a shitty feeling that must be. At least they won a Cup the next year. Getting reverse swept and never recovering...wow, I'd probably drive my car off a cliff.

Realizing Boston was terrible, Milan spends his time talking about his thoughts on moving to Los Angeles.

Well, if I really have to move on, if there’s one place I could pick to go, it would be Los Angeles. Two Cups in three years.

Oh so true. Your chances of winning are way higher here in than they were in Boston. The Kings have an elite center after all. And a defensive corps that isn't featuring AHL outcasts.

Physical style.

True.

Sick jerseys.

Eh.

Closer to my family in Vancouver.

Hey, wait a second. We're not really close at all to Vancouver! And he's using us!

Anyways, the golden nugget of the whole piece comes when Lucic is talking with his wife about the news of his trade from Boston to L.A.

"Well this guy says you’re definitely being traded, but his profile picture is just a dog?"

I mean, to be fair:

In the end, Milan says thanks Boston, but also how happy he is with the Kings now. Which is more than he could say about the Bruins. Remember the saddest locker room comment? He also goes to some length describing the best times in Boston were when he was getting drunk with Shawn "Haggerty has Posters of Me on his Walls" Thornton on Thanksgiving eating a turkey that probably wasn't even cooked. It's like a letter to an ex saying, "Hey, thanks for crabs, but I upgraded".

I for one think Milan Lucic deserves a Pulitzer.

bruins preview

Prediction: Lucic mentioned how he wanted to fight someone. My guess is it's that punk Brad Marchand. He's been cock of the walk in Boston now that he owns claim to "Most Fucked Up Shit Looking Nose" in the city award. Kings lose 3-2.