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Sharks Gameday: Ol' Scratch, Pantera t-shirts, Big Bear, and me

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Oh no, it's the Devils!

"Where should I put your lord and savior?"
"Where should I put your lord and savior?"

I find the belief in "the devil" to be hilarious. It's more funny to me than believing in god or gods. "There's a powerful spiritual being who has horns and a pitchfork and cloven hooves! He makes me think about Angelina Jolie whilst I'm in church!" No.

The devil carting off Jesus, small

Growing up I went to a christian summer camp for a few years with my church's youth group. It's in the San Bernardino mountains on the way to Big Bear. I was raised Episcopelian, which is like Catholic Lite. It's not an evangelical denomination, but this camp sure was. For the most part, the activities were 70% stupid teen shit and 30% religious, and I mostly liked being in the mountains and swimming in their lake. I crushed on the girls I met, and became friends with people from Burbank. In the lake they had something they called "the Blob", an inflated cylinder that was tethered below a platform and resembled a gigantic sausage. You'd jump onto the Blog, crawl to the end, and then the next person would jump down, propelling you out over the lake. It was great.

The devil giving a saint some sweet stones

After a few years, the staff of the camp got more conservative and paranoid. The camp director was convinced a group of 13 year olds in Pantera and Jane's Addiction t-shirts were satanists. No. They were 13 year olds who got sent to christian camp by their parents. The staff started losing their mind at these mild, mall-punk rebels in their Hot Topic-purchased clothes. One of them brought a Ouija board, and another replaced the porch light of their cabin with a black light, probably bought from Spencer's Gifts in the mall.

Chill devils whipping some heads

The camp director and the staff started speaking about a coven of witches that was located up the valley. What? No. The director also blamed Lucifer when the PA system shorted out during his evening rant (right after praise songs). "Funny how that happens," he said sarcastically. He honestly believed that the devil or people under the influence of the devil were using their spiritual powers to fuck with the electronics, all to keep the teens from hearing about Jesus. It was bonkers. Afterwards, I talked to a staff member who was convinced one of the Hot Topic teen girls was the one who did it. "I was watching her. I saw her close her eyes and concentrate right before the sound system stopped working." No.

The next day my friend Mike and I were talking with the kids from Burbank, and we all agreed this place was fucking weird and the people running it were losing their minds. When a bunch of 13 year olds think you're naive and need to see more of the world, you're probably in need of some broader life experiences. That was my last summer camp.

Devils @ Sharks

7:30 PM Pacific

Prediction: Adam Henrique calls the forces of darkness to mess with the SAP Center's PA system. Kyle Palmieri just casually picks up Joe Thornton and walks off with him. Travis Zajac forces Joe Pavelski to carry a bunch of stones. Steven Gionta and Mike Cammalleri pull out some whips, super chill-like, and begin whaling on the Club section spectators.