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Ducks Gameday: French-Canadians are bad at cursing.

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And they're not French.

John Hefti-USA TODAY Sports

The pig people of Quebec speak "French" in the same way that the US South speaks "English," and the actual French are just as embarrassed by it as we are of, say, Mississippi. In continuing their clown version of the French language, they've invented their own brand of curse words, whose explanations and etymologies make them appear to have been made up by some G-rated shit show for slow children with a grudge against the Catholic church.

These are real things "French"-Canadians say to show how gosh darn mad they can get...


According to my trusty 1994 edition Oxford dictionary, "tabernacle" was a "portable shrine used by the Israelites during their wanderings in the wilderness." According to Oxford's online definition of tabernacle, it was, more specifically "a tent used as a sanctuary for the Ark of the Covenant by the Israelites during the Exodus and until the building of the Temple."

But in the context of the Roman Catholic Church, the "tabernacle" I've known since childhood is a box positioned within proximity of if not directly atop a church's given alter. This conspicuous, heavily adorned box is where the host, or Body of Christ, is placed.



In Roman Catholic terms, the host is a sacred bread -- in North America and throughout much of Europe, the bread is a circular unleavened wafer (see photo) -- that religious adherents believe, once declared holy by the priest, is no longer bread but becomes the actual body of Jesus Christ.

Catholics who have been properly initiated to this ritual, or sacrament via a First Communion are allowed to then "eat" the body of Christ as often as possible in the context of Mass, provided they haven't committed a mortal sin such as envy, driving too fast or deliberately failing to go to Mass on Sundays, which can all be declared null and void if confessed to a priest prior to engaging in this Communion. But not all churches adhere to the same operating procedure, as evidenced by the confusion surrounding a hostly controversy in 2009 over Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper stuffing the holy host in his pocket.

But in the context of cursing, "hostie" can mean many things. "Mon hostie!" literally means "my host!" but in Quebec, it's more along the lines of "you motherf*%^*er!" whereas "hostie!" exclamed by itself, in one word, is a simple exclamation of irritation, pain, discouragement, outrage, anger, joy and/or excitement.



"Calice" refers to the goblet used during Catholic Mass containing wine which, when declared holy by the attending priest, is believed to become the actual blood of Jesus Christ. But unlike the Body of Christ, which Mass attendees get to eat, the chalice containing the blood of Christ is proclaimed as such and lifted in the air at the alter but no one gets to drink said blood other than the priest, ostensibly to prevent sacred mishaps such as blood spilling on the floor and what have you, but I digress.

From a profane point of view, "calice" is a fairly gentle curse word, akin to "damn" and easily paired with other popular French swear words in Quebec. Think "hostie de calice!" (host of the chalice!) or "calice de tabernacle!" (chalice of the tabernacle!) or "hostie de calice de tabernacle!" (host of the chalice of the tabernacle!) or even "hostie de sacrament de calice de tabernacle!" (host of the sacramental tabernacle chalice!)



In the context of Christianity as a whole, "sacrement" refers to a sacred rite. In the context of Roman Catholicism, there are seven sacraments, from baptism to the Holy Communion to marriage. But as a curse word, it's a more or less tame exclamation, about as offensive as "darn!" or "goodness!" But you still wouldn't say it in front of your grandparents, unless they're prone to using the curse themselves.


... And a whole slew of others, all in the similar Catholic church theme. These are the most boring curse words ever.



Montreal Canadiens @ Anaheim Ducks

Wednesday, Mar 2, 2016, 7:00 PM PST

Honda Center - Anaheim, CA


Crisse!! A Canadian team loses again!