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Ducks Gameday: To Catch Eh Predator

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Hey there. Why don't you have a seat.

I'M BACK!

If you weren't already stalking me on the internet you may not know that I was in the land of no playoff hockey this past week (and am still here as of this writing). I'm stuck in Calgary because a blizzard decided to finally put the Colorado Avalanche out of its misery and cancelled all connecting flights in Denver. RIP

In an effort to make this stay worth while I decided to run a sting operation out of a Best Western Hotel just like Chris Hansen's "To Catch a Predator" to try to Make Canada Great Again™.

Step 1: The Bait

IDK know internet child/fetus, what should you do?

Step 2: Finding the Predator

This part is the easiest. They just come out of nowhere in this cesspool of a country. It was only a matter of minutes when one slid into my DMs, and you'll be surprised that it wasn't @atf13atf who is in everyone's DMs.

FloobPredator

Pending an arrest and conviction the name and twitter handle of this predator has been withheld.

Step 3: Meet and Confront the Predator

At this point the predator will arrange to meet the unsupervised youth. The human bait will agree and risk abduction.

FloobPredator2

Disclaimer: Predators are not sponsored by Honda. This predator may have used the brand name to draw in unsuspecting Ducks youth assuming they'd get premium parking at Honda Center.

Step 4: Risk Abduction and Hope the Police Arrest the Predator

CalgaryDrive

Enter vehicle with predator.

CalgaryParking

Park in dimly lit parking lot with predator.

CalgaryBeer

Follow predator to previously agreed upon location.

CalgaryDine

Dine with predator and hope the police save you eventually. (Predator identity obscured pending arrest and conviction)

Conclusion:

The police were not able to respond in time. I luckily escaped with my life and am able to report that the predator remains at large. Don't get stuck in Canada!

Gameday

Anaheim Ducks at Ottawa Senators

Saturday, March 26, 2016, 4:00 p.m. PST

Losing Cup Arena – Land of Predators and No Playoffs

Prediction

The Ducks' young players are abducted by predators.

Inspirational Music

Today you're listening to: To Catch A Predator – by Insane Clown Posse