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Sharks Gameday: Egging you on

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The egg is the superior symbol of spring, motherfuckers.

Too much egg, just right sized egg, and for some reason a football
Too much egg, just right sized egg, and for some reason a football

We all came from eggs. Except for Corey Perry, whose origin is unclear. If you don't prefer eggs, you're very likely a misogynist, and you should probably just admit that fact right now. Eggs are the symbol of spring and rebirth, which is one reason why Paas is still in business, still cranking out the same shitty egg dyeing kits that I used when I was a kid. Pass literally can never be destroyed, they will return every spring.

Paas egg coloring kit

Just try to get a good brunch entree without involving eggs (vegans, don't read this sentence). You end up in massive pre-diabetic shock due to eating nothing but pancakes/waffles and syrup, or order the oatmeal. People who order oatmeal at a restaurant are just bewildering, like people whose favorite Star Wars character is C3PO. Meanwhile, guess who just ordered the chilaquiles and is glowing with goodness and light like fucking Ben Kenobi's ghost? Me.


Speaking of Star Wars, how cool was Darth Vader's egg chill out room?

Darth Vader's egg chamber

I bet the sound system in there is fantastic. And we all know the best satirist on Twitter is that egg account.

Twitter egg

Oh man, the way this guy pretends to be the biggest piece of human garbage is so hilarious. Just takes it all to such absurd lengths. Nobody could ever believe those ridiculous things.

"But what is the BEST spring symbol involving eggs, shampeon?" Well, I'll tell you. It's the Cadbury Creme Mini Egg.

Cadbury creme egg comparison

It's the perfect size. It's just the right amount of chocolate shell, sugar white, and formless yellow sugar yolk. Eating a full-size Creme Egg is like downing a fifth of bourbon: something we've all done, but it was never a good idea, and inevitably leads to an extended session on the toilet. Eating a Mini Creme Egg is like sipping a glass of Four Roses: classy, a sign of sophistication and control over your appetites.

The Sharks are also like a Mini Creme Egg: overshadowed by the all the giant dumbshits in their division that get more media exposure, but superior in every important metric. The delicate foil (Marc-Eduard Vlasic, Joonas Donskoi) covering the substantial chocolate shell (Brent Burns, Joe Thornton, Martin Jones). The fluffy egg whites (Patrick Marleau, Tomas Hertl). The weird looking yolk (Logan Couture, Paul Martin, Joe Pavelski). All delivered in a package that is easy to like.

Unfortunately, like Cadbury Mini Creme Eggs, the Sharks also are usually only available for a limited time in spring, so get yours while they're still around.

Kings @ Sharks

7:30 PM Pacific

Prediction: Eggs were our past. They are our future. Martin Jones either lays an egg, or delivers one.