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Sharks Gameday: Neither the regular season or playoffs matter

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The only thing that matters is the early '80s action/adventure show Manimal.

This is better than the regular season and playoffs and anything else in the world.
This is better than the regular season and playoffs and anything else in the world.

What matters more? The regular season, where you jockey for favorable matchups in the playoffs and prove your mettle as a team? Or the playoffs, where you compete for a bowl some rich English guy didn't want?

Neither, motherfuckers. Because the only thing that matters is Manimal!

You hear that intro? Holy shit.

Dr. Jonathan Chase... wealthy, young, handsome. A man with the brightest of futures. A man with the darkest of pasts. From Africa's deepest recesses, to the rarefied peaks of Tibet, heir to his father's legacy and the world's darkest mysteries. Jonathan Chase, master of the secrets that divide man from animal, animal from man... Manimal!

I mean, the show's fucking name is "Manimal." That makes it automatically better than any sport. And a chin in a suit named "Dr. Jonathan Chase" has the ability to shape-shift into any animal, and he fights crime? TV, you've done it again.

Manimal hawk

As usual, Wikipedia proves itself to be the world's driest comedian.

Another aspect of the transformations that added to the show's camp factor involved Dr. Chase's clothing during a transformation: He was depicted generally wearing a three-piece suit and tie, and the viewer would see it rip off of him as he shape-shifted into an animal, though once the transformation was complete there would be no sign of his discarded clothing. A bit later, he would transform back into human form with all of his clothing perfectly restored upon his person, even if he was unconscious.

There's also this episode summary:

While at the beach, Jonathan and the others discover a scrimshaw (walrus tusk with carvings on it) in the clutches of a skeleton. They begin investigating at a local bar where they encounter someone who has been looking for it for their whole life.

Well, that's an amazing coincidence, and some crack detective work by Dr. Jonathan Chase and Detective Perm. "Hey we found a big-ass carved tusk on a dead body on this beach, we should look into this at Senor Frogs over there." Did the guy who was looking for the scrimshaw his whole life ever bother to leave his stool at the bar and look literally just outside the door at the beach? Was this a cover story for MURDER? Man, I hope Manimal untangled this web of intrigue. And I really hope he turned into a walrus.

Manimal

How about this one?

When a horse trainer recognizes her stolen horse in a race, Jonathan helps her try to recover it.

I don't want to go out on too much of a limb here, but I've got a slight suspicion that Jonathan needs to shape-shift into a horse to get to the bottom of this case.

While on a well-deserved vacation, Jonathan, Ty and Brooke get involved to thwart an attempt by a syndicate boss to illegally take over the town of Birch Hollow in order legalize gambling and build a large casino.

Ty: "How do we stop this casino and the overriding of local laws by the mob?"

Manimal: "I dunno, I can turn into a hawk or something."

There's also the tiny matter of the obvious and cringe-worthy casual racism in some of these episode summaries:

Jonathan, Brooke and Ty must stop a criminal who extorts money from businesses in China Town while posing as a superstitious icon known as The Dragon.

Uhhh.

After a girl is found living with wolves in the forests of Sultanpur, India, she is the topic of discussion at a local university where she is being held. When an attempt is made on her life, Jonathan takes her into his care and protection. Her identity must be found in order to discover who it is that is trying to kill her.

Manimal! Paving the way for "Temple of Doom."

Jets @ Sharks

7:30 PM Pacific

Prediction: Who cares about this game, the season, or the playoffs? Just watch Manimal.