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Sharks Gameday: The Sharks hate you

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The Sharks home record sucks because they despise you guys.

Tricky little derp.
Tricky little derp.

The final regular season game of this bounce-back season is against those Trickster Coyotes, so you know something stupid is going to happen. Mike Smith will make a game-saving save by diving for a crouton stuck to someone's skate, only accidentally stopping the puck in the process. Shane Doane will use his Elbow of Righteousness to Share God's Love right into Logan Couture's jaw. Max Domi will channel his dad and beat the shit out of Sharkie after Sharkie accidentally falls into the penalty box. Which would be rad. Good job, Max! Please do this.

The Sharks played like crap last game against the Jets, continuing their season-long habit of laying absolute eggs at home. They have the best road record in the league and the worst home record of any playoff team, so they really should call tonight "Fan Disgust Night" and have the players climb into the stands to take items from the crowd. They really don't like you all. Why do you think they kept those Black Armor jerseys for so long? The Sharks have been gaslighting me almost the entire time I've been a fan, so this is just the next notch up.

The Sharks are going to play the Kings or Ducks in the first round, which is just delightful. The Kings play the Jets tonight, and the Ducks have back-to-backs on the road against the Avs today and Capitals tomorrow (hahahaha, the NHL schedule makers are hateful little men).

Coyotes @ Sharks

7:30 PM Pacific

Prediction: Tricks! Shenanigans! Pranks! Flute music! A home LOSS!