By the third round of the playoffs, most players beards have reached their zenith. The guys with patchy, thin beards are going to stay patchy and thin. The guys with thick, full ones have attracted a balanced ecosystem of plants and animals. The guys with horrible snakes for beards have gotten used to the snakebites and have given them all nicknames.
But just like California's incredibly diverse microclimates, each player's beard is different.
Bioregion: western temperate woodland
Native species: civet, lichen, crested sparrow (seasonal), bracken fern, dogwood, canyon live oak
Non-native species: tiny family of Mennonite farmers, eastern gray squirrel
Bioregion: deciduous lowland forest
Native species: catfish, water tupelo, water cypress, snowy egret, water moccassin, flowering lotus, bullfrog, over 14 different cricket species
Non-native species: reticulated ferret, ball python, Jo Paw-velski, common opossum
Bioregion: eastern scrub forest
Native species: bur oak, greasegrass, striped salamander, Morgan's horse, hedge apple
Non-native species: glassy-winged sharpshooter, Ed Hardy (seasonal), sage grouse
Bioregion: northern temperate forest
Native species: woodchuck, pike, red grouse, hornbeam, red maple, mistletoe, northern mayfly
Non-native species: common dormouse, ash borer beetle, jackdaw
Bioregion: central sewage forest
Native species: hairless mole rats (extinct), carrion beetle (extinct), slime mold, grickle grass, pygmy vulture (extinct)
Non-native species: none
Note: Any fauna that unfortunate enough to venture into this bioregion is quickly consumed by Backes, leading to species collapse.
6:00 PM Pacific
Prediction: Backes's destructive practices tamper with crucial habitat.