Sharks Gameday: Coaching matchups

The two coaches in this series couldn't be more different. Let's take a look at the their styles and the effectiveness.

Peter DeBoer

Strengths: Apparently impervious to cleavage, seems very calm, angers @HellBlazerVice like you would not believe, isn't Todd McLellan, has eyes and a brain and therefore could see that the Sharks 4th line sucked when it had bags of sand skating on it, mostly avoids making dumb Coaching Decisions, Oscar winning actor.

Weaknesses: chin, always looks like his pet ferret just died, always turns his acting roles into camp, sees things in Nick Spaling that I just don't.

Ken Hitchcock

Strengths: knows how to win a Cup, has had success for many years implementing a low-event style of play, changed the visual language of film with his psychological thrillers, his voice's high register cuts through the din of David Backes howling at his reflection in the Blues locker room, has elite-level meme face.

Weaknesses: blonds, is openly hostile to several of his players, thinks playing mind-games with the media gives his team an advantage on the ice, has trouble translating his Cup winning strategies to the post-lockout era, use of discredited Freudian psychology a distraction to modern audiences.

An important reminder from shampeon

Troy Brouwer's NHL GameCenter avatar looks massively fucked up.

/shudders

Sex haver rankings

1. Patrick Marleau

...

3479. Roman Polak

Sharks @ Blues

5:00 PM Pacific

Prediction: One of these teams wins and STEALS ALL THE MOMENTUM oh fuck.