Sharks Gameday: Ranking the Blues eBay memorabilia

If you ever want to get really sad and wonder what the fuck you're doing with your life, go browse eBay for sports memorabilia. There's a corollary to "you can't take it with you" that says, "somebody else is going to have to throw all this crap away or try to sell it to other sad people or whatever."

I looked through as many pages as I could stand of St. Louis Blues shit on eBay. It was mostly jerseys of recent players, but some of the stuff really stood out.

Beer bottles

How sad is this?

Pretty sad. What are you going to do with this full beer bottle, assuming it even makes it to your house intact?

Good deal?

No. $33 for an old Budweiser with a logo on it is not a good deal, even if there is free shipping.

How sad is this?

Just a little sad.

Good deal?

No. Do not pay over $20 for a light up LED beer bottle.

Flags & Jerseys

How sad is this?

Very sad. But also funny, because it looks like the BDSM flag that you see all over San Francisco during Folsom Street Fair.

Good deal?

Ok, I guess.

How sad is this?

Very, very sad. The extra "very" is for the size. You have to be the asshole walking around wearing the jersey of a guy who played poorly for your team at the very end of a Hall of Fame career, after he cheated on his wife with his sister-in-law/nanny.

Good deal?

Somewhat.

How sad is this?

Unless you're going to be the coolest kid at the ugly sweater holiday party, incredibly sad.

Good deal?

No. These are the worst jerseys ever created, and their rarity does not make them valuable.

How sad is this?

Pathetic.

Listen, sports teams. Just because athletes wear uniforms, and soldiers wear uniforms, doesn't mean that they're equivalent. The reason soldiers wear camouflage is because they're trying to not die while killing other people, presumably for our benefit. Athletes wear uniforms so we know who to cheer for, and they know who to pass the puck to. Stop this shit already.

Good deal?

Yes. $40 for all that camo? You could hide out from Obama's death squads for years.

Miscellaneous crap

How sad is this?

My god.

Good deal?

No. Do not pay any money for a ticket stub you didn't use.

How sad is this?

At first glance, not that sad. But then it's SO FUCKING FUNNY because of how Pronger's career ended.

Good deal?

Meh.

How sad is this?

Quite sad. These teams didn't play for the Stanley Cup in 2001. They played in the first round, and it's only notable in that the Blues got "revenge" for the Sharks upset the year before with the Roman Turek blue-line goal by Owen Nolan and such.

Good deal?

Sure.

How sad is this?

Fuuuuuck.

Good deal?

No. Dear god no. Nearly $60 for a Jack in the Box puck? Not even free shipping?

How sad is this?

Soul crushing. 5 people are watching this. 5.

Good deal?

No idea. $10 seems too much for a porcelain figurine to me, but in the midwest that shit is like platinum.

How sad is this?

Not sad at all. This is perfect.

Good deal?

Yes. All the Blues fans should buy one, or seven. Free shipping too.

Blues @ Sharks

6:00 PM Pacific

Prediction: My PayPal account and my tear ducts are empty.