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A, B...D?

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Someone lost his C

feels
feels
Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports

Despite having the biggest dick on his team, Dustin Brown still lost his captaincy. Will he and his giant cock be shipped out this summer? Sources say, "sure."

The Kings have hinted at this all year really. Brown now is either going to be bought out, traded, or framed for murder. Who will the new captain be? Kopitar? Probably. Carter and Greene still wear 'A's. 5.8 million dollars a year for the next decade doesn't get you much wiggle room either.

Where will Dustin go? He's still young and owed a lot of money, so I doubt forced retirement like Vincent Lecavalier got. Teams likely won't want anything to do with that massive anchor of a contract he still has. If the Kings retained half his salary, Brown at under three million a year is actually a pretty decent deal. He backchecks amazingly well, shoots a ton, and hits people all the time. He just can't, well, score.

Dean Lombardi, who cares deeply for all his hockey players, is probably willing to do anything to get Brown to waive that no trade clause. So kicking him in his big ol' dong and publicly shaming him like a blogger on twitter is smart move. But he still loves all his guys. I'm sure he cried a lot. First his son, Mike Richards, and now his personal Jesus, Dustin.

If the Kings do in fact eat his salary and Brown is around three million a year instead, I think there are teams open to the idea. Carolina. Florida. Anaheim. Probably Edmonton, though they already have their hulking idiot with Pat Maroon. Winnipeg could use someone replacing Andrew Ladd, who is Dustin Brown version 2.

We are deeply sorry for this, Dustin. May you and your giant penis stay well during these difficult times.