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Sharks Gameday: Jo Paw-velski must die

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Sorry, everyone. The black cat called Jo Paw-velski is clearly a bad omen and must be sacrificed to extend the Sharks playoff run.

Sorry, Jo, but it's just business.
Sorry, Jo, but it's just business.

I have nothing against cats except allergies. I like them, though they make me sneeze unless I'm taking allergy medicine (Flonase....my sweet, sweet Flonase). The Jo Paw-velski story was really cute...until the Sharks lost the next two games after they adopted her. I'm not superstitious, but the Sharks are dealing with a fuck-ton of bad history and luck, so why the shit are we messing around with a symbol of bad omens?

However, in Western history, black cats have often been looked upon as a symbol of evil omens, specifically being suspected of being the familiars of witches, and so most of Europe considers the black cat a symbol of bad luck, especially if one crosses paths with a person, which is believed to be an omen of misfortune and death. -W. Ikipedia

So if there's some witch out there feeding Peter Laviollete information on how mild injuries and line matchups thanks to Jo Paw-velski, we've got to stop that shit. So, we have no choice. It's time to sacrifice Jo Paw-velski. You want to win the Cup or not? I want the Sharks to win the Stanley Cup, not become some sort of shelter for bad luck animals. Like, I know Brent Burns probably would be ok with a dead albatross around his neck, but why risk it?

Jo Paw-velksi must die so that the Sharks season can live.

Predators @ Sharks

6:00 PM Pacific

Prediction: A murder of crows appears in the arena, much to the home crowd's delight. I scream "NOOOOO!" Brent Burns adopts them anyway. We lose 45-3.