So long, and thanks for all the slurs.

I'm a man of my word.

I guaranteed a Ducks win in their most recent game 7 meltdown, and vowed to quit Battle of California if they lost. They lost, and I'm quitting. Thank god, I'm free.

I did it.

The last four years with all of you have been an absolute living hell and has made me hate hockey more than I ever thought I could hate it. You said a lot of mean things to me. I've been Twitter-stalked by a Winnipegist. I had to try dip for this dumb blog and now I have a crippling addiction. And now Randy Carlyle is coach again. I can't take it anymore.

As I'm sure you figured out over this past season, my decision to quit has been a long time coming. My big boy job  now makes me do actual work, I have a second kid on the way, and my half-assed academic pursuits eat up a lot of my time. Plus, there's a lot of good shit on Netflix right now that just wasn't around 4 years ago when I started this. I mean, Daredevil? Holy shit.

But don't be alarmed! Sweet baby Cory, just 16 months old, is ready to fill in for all of your Ducks related potty humor. Please watch your language around him.

As I leave Battle of California, I wanted to burn it all down behind me on my way out, so I've put Dunn in charge as your managing editor. Good luck with all of that, you poor doomed fools.

I wanted to wait until the Sharks' inevitable playoff collapse before I oficially called it quits, so I apologize that it took me awhile. I'm glad that noted Sharks jinx Stace wrote the team's final gameday post of the season, and that it predictably led to their demise. Classic Stace.

Bye, suckers.

I'm pretty sure I get to write for GameCrate now?