Hockey is so much fun whee

It’s the Devils. In New Jersey. The Kings are on a four game losing streak. They can’t score. They have shoddy goaltending lately. They are giving up rushes all the damn time.

But it’s hockey! AWESOME. HOCKEY. I love it! It’s not at all boring as shit to watch. No sir. And while the rest of the world falls apart, I will always have hockey to comfort me.

I will find great pleasure in watching a three-on-one be given up. I will be calmed as the Kings shank a wide open net chance. I will find peace in watching the Kings trip over themselves with an empty net push. It’s all so soothing.

I’m so fortunate I can watch the Kings and I never want this season to end. It’s not soul crushing to me. It’s beautiful. Like a sunset over a landfill, or a peaceful waterfall from a dam cracking open slowly to drown your whole city. Simply wonderful.

Please join me in the wonder of Los Angeles Kings hockey.

Prediction: The Kings lose another one goal game, and I peacefully chuck my television off a balcony and then microwave my skull.