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Never say die

Though they really should

Phoenix Coyotes v Los Angeles Kings
time to shit this game out
Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images

The Coyotes have since the turn of the millennium been always on the precipice of oblivion. Their success has been limited, the crowds have been sparse, and no city/town/village wants them in Arizona. I don’t clearly know where exactly they play. Or where they have played prior, in fact. They can’t seem to settle down in one location in Arizona for very long, but they never leave the state.

I have written about them relocating more times than I can count. This is largely due to three things:

  1. They are always moving, as I have mentioned;
  2. They are a very boring team that the Kings play way too often; and
  3. I’m really out of ideas at this blog.

But despite this seemingly nearly two decade long dance of will-they-or-won’t-they, they are out lasting other franchises. The Atlanta Thrashers became the new Coyotes over in Winnipeg. The Carolina Hurricanes are on their last legs. The New York Islanders are being treated like an American armed service veteran and are being kicked to the street because no one wants to pay for them. And Las Vegas got an expansion team somehow instead of the Coyotes just moving a little bit.

It defies logic, but these Coyotes are hard to kill. Or at least hard to move. My theory is that the NHL has wanted to move the Coyotes, but every time the moving trucks show up the Coyotes aren’t there. The trucks went to the wrong arena. I don’t even know if the Coyotes are doing this intentionally, but they remain forever trapped in the Mexican Hate State.

Do they even know where exactly they are at anymore? Sources say they play in Glendale, though I’m pretty sure I have driven through Glendale on my way to Burbank and I never see any sign of them. It still makes more sense than San Jose or Anaheim. Also, what was the reasoning for not having the Coyotes play at the same arena as the Suns? Was there a truck parked randomly along the corner boards? That sure would be ironic, right Islanders?

Prediction: The Islanders move in with the Devils, the Hurricanes move to Quebec, the Sharks move to Seattle, and the Panthers move to Kansas City. No one has seen the Coyotes in sixteen years.