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Hey cool another gimmick for LA to enjoy

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Another weird dumb team is made for LA

NHL: Preseason-Los Angeles Kings at Vegas Golden Knights
more like broken knights
Stephen R. Sylvanie-USA TODAY Sports

Stop me if this sounds familiar: Thanks to the Los Angeles Kings being awesome, hockey is more popular on the west coast. The NHL decides to treat the area to another hockey team. It goes to a weird city. The name is horrendous. The jerseys a bizarre look. And Kings fans control the city and arena whenever Los Angeles comes to play there.

Say hello to Anaheim v.2

Except instead of the Kings being Finals good and getting treated to an Orange County suburb, they were multiple Cup winning good and got gifted Las Vegas. Kings fans already had Frozen Fury for the pre-season to go run amok and drink and fuck all over the place then, but now they get to do it more! Like whenever they want, not just for the Kings. It was already the Kings’ second home, and they kept adding on amenities. Las Vegas even bought us a new arena despite an economical crash that they haven’t fully recovered from. Thanks NHL/city of Las Vegas.

The NHL and Las Vegas however, in their haste to bequeath this luxury to Los Angeles, sort of fucked up on everything. Instead of having a Disney movie to use as template for, they had to get creative on their own.

“Let’s call this team the KinnnnnNIGHTS. The Knights!”

That’s pretty close to Kings.

“Golden! Golden Knights!”

Now they sound like Donald Trump’s sex tape.

“Also their jerseys are Ottawa’s. But grey.”


“It’s also only ‘Vegas’. We ran out of space on the form for the team name.”

And here we are. With the team being gimmicky as fuck. But we can visit them whenever, and not just when the Kings come to town (like Anaheim because who wants to go to Anaheim? Put the team in San Clemente or Laguna or Huntington if it has to be in Orange County. Just put the team in god damn SAN DIEGO).

The team itself features six goaltenders, 20 defensemen, and an AHL team that has disbanded and moved to the KHL instead. No word on if there is a buffet in the arena yet. Last I checked, there was not. There is also only one escalator in and out of that place and you get stuck in worse traffic than the 110.

BUT you can go to the Monte Carlo across the street, hit the Sbarro (yes you heard me) to get a bucket of five beers for ten dollars and sit in the sports book getting hammered watching sports like God intended, then float around in a lazy river pool drunk until hockey starts.


I do not get cheap beers from a hotel casino’s crappy pizza chain and sit in their sports book getting plastered. The Kings lose because of this because science.