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Baby, I’m sorry

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That other team meant nothing to me

NHL: Los Angeles Kings at Columbus Blue Jackets
SEX
Aaron Doster-USA TODAY Sports

So last night sucked, mostly because it was a really terrible baseball game. It also sucked because of the dick riding for #[INSERT CITY NAME HERE]Strong. Not to take away from the actual Astros baseball team, which was (surprise!) good at baseball. A team winning doesn’t remedy whatever tragedy hit locally, and it’s a marketing gimmick. Right Boston? Okay, that’s done and over with...

“Bluh bluh bluh you’re just bitter”

Fuck you! No I’m not, because I don’t like baseball. I always hated baseball. There’s only one team I love and share my affection for. And it’s the team that sends me goodies because they know that about me.

The Los Angeles Kings are winners. My winners. I don’t blog about dumb boring old baseball. I’m with this hot sexy younger team. They weren’t with gross other cities like Brooklyn (yucky hipsters), St. Louis (racism!), or Minneapolis (inbreeding!). They are Los Angeles through and through.

They also compliment my fridge very nicely.

Ties the room together

Anze Kopitar is also the last guy with teeth on this team.

They knew I’d be back. Sure, I may have looked at another team, but hell, even the guys on the Kings went to Dodger games. The seasons only partially overlap, and the jersey crossovers are pretty cool.

handsome boys

But the Kings got Alec Martinez! They know how to keep me won over. And he’s not leaving. Nope. He’s a winner, who scores winning goals. Clutch, if you will. Like Andre Ethier who probably had his last at-bat, knocking in the only Dodgers run and oh god no.

don’t leave me

Ahem.

Much better. Thanks Kings.

Prediction

The Kings lose and I hop on the Rams bandwagon. Go Todd Gurley!