WAR STARS

The Kings are in New York. Torrey Mitchell remains in the lineup. I hate him. Enough about that.

Star Wars had another new movie come out this week! Hooray! There has been a whole hell of a lot of warring in the stars these past few years. That’s largely in thanks to Disney, who owns everything. In fact, Disney just bought Fox Studios. Maybe this means the Star Wars movies can go back to having the Fox Studios theme play at the beginning. The last few movies have sorely needed it.

Now while it may be sort of terrifying that a massive corporation now controls about half of the entertainment market, I have other issues that are more pressing. Again, Star Wars related ones. Mainly, they need to slow the fuck down with these. They can’t keep just asking JJ Abrams to write up new Wars in the Stars scripts every damn year. Mostly because he is a hack. George Lucas was able to skate on his imaginative ideas for the first bunch of movies, but that caught up with him seeing as the prequels were unimaginative and as clunky as a 1973 Ford truck on the 5 freeway.

Rogue One wasn’t exactly wonderfully written either, but when the movie is essentially ninety minutes of Star WARS (see the emphasis) you can sort of ignore that. I haven’t seen the new movie about Jedi Lasting or whatever, but since it’s been put together by a more competent dude, I have my hopes up. Of course, he’s now also been tasked with writing the next 500 movies.

But I digress. The main point is, Star Wars only has so much longevity to it. Back in 1999, everyone initially let The Phantom Menace get by because we hadn’t seen Star Wars in like fifteen years. People should have been throwing garbage at the screen instead, and there would have been no additional movies. Abrams essentially hit CTRL-C for the seventh installation. Again, we let it slide because it was the first new STARSING we had in about a decade. Things are getting unbelievably watered down. And I say this as someone who grew up on, and still goes ape-shit for this franchise.

Slow down. Come up with new ideas! You have a whole fake universe to get creative with yet we keep staying on a desert planet for half of these movies. Come the fuck on.

Try a year where you don’t have to rush out a movie. Try a different point in Star Wars history. Mostly, quit half-assing it. Also, stop playing Torrey Mitchell. Wait, that’s another topic.

Prediction!

I see the new Star Wars movie and immediately demand another.