Why are we up this early?

The Kings start another east coast road trip, and it’s at an obnoxious hour for the first few games. East coast games are already stupid as hell because they start at 4 in the afternoon typically, because people on the east coast don’t have jobs apparently. Today’s game is even worse.

10 in the fucking morning? Maybe they don’t believe in alcohol and things called “hangovers” in Pennsylvania. But wait, it gets worse. Tomorrow’s game in our nation’s defaced capital is at 9. In the god damn morning.

I know President Prick Baby gets up at like 4 in the morning because that’s what really old people do, but this is ridiculous. People on the east coast clearly live in a weird bubble where sports start at oddball hours. I can only assume most game for the Carolina Hurricanes take place at 1 in the morning, because it would certainly explain why no one goes or watches them.

Go put on a press pot of coffee, turn on the TV, wait for the Flyers, and then write your congresspeople asking why the hell their is hockey on this god damn early and what is wrong with people on the east coast. Together, we will make America great again.

Prediction: Hat trick for Wayne Simmonds. Kings lose 3-2.