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FUCK YOUR FARM

Enough with this agrarian bullshit

Florida Panthers v Los Angeles Kings
Ok, not your farm Darryl
Photo by Sean M. Haffey/Getty Images

The calendar. The school year. And worst of all, Daylight Saving Time. There is nothing worse than this ritualistic bullshit of clock setting. Why do we do it? SO WE CAN GET UP AND FARM. No one does this by and large except for the incredibly small amount of people that own a farm. Even still, they don’t get up early. It’s their undocumented immigrants from Mexico and Central/South America that are up and busting their ass doing back breaking farm work for two dollars an hour who then have to dodge the motherfuckers from ICE employed by our Orange Clown Dick Baby larded up overlord.

It serves no purpose in society anymore, what with the invention of portable outdoor lighting and headlights on cars that’s existed since Jesus was born practically. Quit fucking with my internal clock. It’s a pointless exercise now, and I can’t remember how to change the clock in my car.

This sunrise at 7:30 garbage and light out at 9 PM shitburgers is ridiculous. I’ll even make the tradeoff of just splitting the difference and we can only lose 30 minutes for the next time change on the condition we never do it again. I’m not crazy about it being dark out by 4, to be fair. Let’s just stop pretending bouncing our hours around serves a real purpose at all because you don’t farm, your ugly kids don’t farm, and it’s only people we can exploit that farm. Because that’s American tradition, baby.

And make your god damn kids go to god damn school in the god damn summer because they aren’t out working the god damn fields for god damn you. They’re not up doing chores like milking a cow or emptying a chamber pot or burning their sibling’s toys and clothes because they contracted polio. They’re up playing MineCraft or flipping through Tinder finding what 5th grader is least likely to give them cooties.

Also DECember should be the tenth month of the year, OCTober should be eighth, SEPTember should be seventh. This is ungodly if your god is reason and/or logic. Also, fuck St. Louis because they’re a Midwestern swath of bullshit that probably loves this bullshit farming time manipulation. At the very least, they’re certainly racist/anti-Semitic.

Prediction: Darryl Sutter runs me over in a hay bale makey drivey thing.