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The State of Mumps

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The Minnesota Wild have had more mumps outbreaks than they have had appearances in the Conference Finals.

They have more mumps outbreaks than they have division titles.

They have had as many mumps outbreaks as Mikko Koivu’s number of legitimate children.

What is going on in the crest of that flag?

Native American: Hey dipshit, I’m galloping on your plowed field.

Farmer dressed entirely from a JC Penny catalog from 1987: What?

Native American: I’m totally naked.

Farmer dressed entirely from a JC Penny catalog from 1987: My plow is a Napoleonic hat that floats above the dirt.

Native American: My horse’s right front leg is growing out of the joint of the left leg and not attached to the main body. He’s very serene. Also, fuck you.

Farmer dressed entirely from a JC Penny catalog from 1987: Watch out for my golf club, eggplant emoji, dickbutt plush toy, and cape.

Native American: Will do. Nice athletic socks.

Sharks @ Wild

3:00 PM Pacific

Prediction: The Sharks play in hazmat suits, lose because they can’t see.