Theories for why Cory Disappeared

1. Trump deported him. But somehow Spade is still here?

2. Kidnapped and sold into the sex trade.

3. Ran over his laptop with his truck. (Actual tragic fact)

4. Deceased.

5. Left to write for Barstool.

6. Stuck in the "Sunken Place" because of white people. (Go see Get Out damn you!)

7. Stopped giving a fuck.

8. Is now a minority pick for Trump's cabinet.

9. Noticed the Ducks were garbage and quit.

10. Dunn's love drove him away.

Gameday

Anaheim Ducks vs. Vancouver Canucks

Honda Center

Sunday, March 5, 2017, 5:00 p.m. PST

Prediction

Cory never returns.

Inspirational Music

Toda you're listening to: In the Arms of an Angel by Sarah McLachlan