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A note about playing like catshit

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San Jose Sharks v Philadelphia Flyers Photo by Elsa/Getty Images

What can Sharks fans expect from the team with both of their top 2 centers out?

  • The same consistent play they’ve shown the last couple weeks.
  • Absolute catshit (see below) performances throughout the lineup.
  • Our goaltenders coming through with the big save followed by not coming through with the big save 3 or 4 times.
  • Michael Haley not being in the lineup for a streak-ending win, then being back in the lineup for the next 3-4 losses.

A proposal about catshit

Why don’t we have a particular connotation for catshit? Something that is on its face untrue is either horseshit it’s not terribly important, or bullshit if it is. Describing something has chickenshit means something stupid and trivial, or cowardly. Dogshit means something obviously unpleasant and awful. Batshit means unhinged. Going apeshit means being actively out of control. But we pretty much never describe someone or something as “catshit.” Why?

I propose that “catshit” should mean something bad but boring. Not entertainingly or egregiously bad like “playing like dogshit.” The Colorado Avalanche are a dogshit franchise. The Phoenix Coyotes are a catshit one. The Sharks have been playing like catshit.

Sharks collapse du jour

Hey, so maybe you’ve noticed, but the Sharks have pretty much obliterated any hope I had for them in the postseason with their recent play. Perhaps this is all a clever ruse on their part to lull everyone into lowering their expectations so they can overdeliver, just like last year. But I wouldn’t count on that. Just like 2 years ago, the path to the Conference Finals should be much clearer this year with LA out and some scrub teams in, but also just like 2 years ago, the Sharks aren’t going to be in a position to take advantage. At this point, making it out of the 1st round is probably a stretch goal. Once again, we’re the Arsenal of the NHL. Wheee!

Canucks @ Sharks

7:30 PM Pacific

Prediction: Catshit franchise vs. catshit performances. This is all awful.