I would like to be the first to congratulate the Edmonton Oilers on being Stanley Cup champions. It was a long, long, tiresome, miserable road. But they did it. They are back. They are winners. They have reclaimed the Stanley Cup.
It took a decade of being mocked, ridiculed, and inexplicably not relocated to a habitable metropolis, but they did it. You did it. You guys really are something. I can hardly think of a more deserving fanbase.
Years of first overall draft picks and free agent splurging did the job. Like Taylor Hall and Nail Yakupov! It also worked picking over California’s leftovers. Patrick Maroon, Todd McLellan, Andrej Sekera, Milan Lucic. And don’t forget the goaltending tandem of Ben Scrivens and Viktor Fasth.
But you persevered.
Despite years and games of embarrassment and nothing to show for it, you fell into possession of the best young players. And finally one of them was what your team needed. Another falling ass backwards into another young player to single-handedly carry your whole sorry ass team to the promise land.
The slender lad of lightning feet and papier-mâché clavicles. He did it. You did it. By waiting for him and sucking ass so entirely long and hard, the 100th time was the charm. You really, really did it. You made Connor McDavid happen. Your hope and your love made this ugly, gifted kid appear. Not some weird happenstance or luck of repeated failures. It was you.
Which is why Edmonton is the sports capital of the globe once more, and not a overlooked frozen septic tank that Wayne Gretzky was rescued from. You’re gods once again. You’re Stanley Cup champions. Fuck the haters, right? You got a list of seven to eight retorts for them anyways.
You are set for the future. Cups flow to you. Milan Lucic and Adam Larsson locked in long term? Fuck yeah, baby. You also got Benoit Pouliot and Sekera for a few more years too. Best lock in Kris Russell while you’re at it. Quality defensemen like these guys are hard to come by since you are fresh out of Halls and Yakupovs to unload.
But the Cups! The glorious Cups. They’re all yours. So congrats again guys. You deserve it. The long suffering and repeated overall draft picks and failures are worth it. You won it all.