[turns on 85 pound block of a television and pops in a VHS]
Hello! And welcome to “Your Goalie Decided to Die”! I’m Get’r Dunn. You may remember me from such related films like “Tommy John: The Musical” and “What Concussion? I Feel Purple!”
Today we will be exploring life after your goalie. Again! First off though, don’t be concerned about your goaltender. He’s on a nice big farm upstate with other goalies. There’s plenty of beers to drink and sticks to break. He’s very happy.
But what about you? Now you need a goalie!
Sure, you may think you got everything handled. This has happened before! Ben Scrivens, Martin Jones, Peter Budaj bailed you out. And you got some kid named after soup now, too. And you learned that maybe trading for Ben Bishop is really stupid as hell idea. Things will be different. After all, wasn’t that the last year you won a playoff game? Maybe it’s a blessing?
You just got ran over by the Detroit Red Wings, who are barely a mid-tier team these days. “Sure. But we won!”
You sad, stupid, sad idiot.
Jack Campbell played out of his damn mind to steal a win. The only line scoring is Anze Kopitar’s. The power play has as much life in it as JFK. The Kings’ breakout is as coordinated as Brett Kavanaugh during Beach Week.
Things of course could turn around! But doing the same thing over and over again seems like a poor idea when you face the Jets and Maple Leafs soon. You have to assume their guys can handle a breakaway, unlike Andreas Athanasiou.
Three out of four points is a good start though, right? NO.
Okay, it’s not bad. But there are a lot of things to be righted before relying on Campbell and Peter “Please forgive me” Budaj to win the Vezina. In the meantime, kick back, have some beers in honor of Jonathan Quick, and hope things naturally straighten out.
Ah, so you want actual suggestions on what to do with your goalie injured and your team looking sloppy? Well, first off