Raid the Rest Homes

Yesterday, the Nashville Predators went and grabbed Mike Fisher’s dried up corpse and dragged it away from Carrie Underwood. Is it because she’s sick of him and wants him out of the house? Are they getting a divorce and he needs a distraction? Is Carrie’s facial injury actually a tattoo removal of a badly drawn portrait of Jesus that Mike tried to apply while she was asleep and now he has a restraining order against him? That makes more sense than actually seeing Fisher as a viable option to improve the Predators.

Last year, when the Predators were fighting it out in the Stanley Cup Finals, Fisher saw his role slip along with his minutes. It made sense for him to hang it up afterwards. Currently, Nashville is sitting semi comfortably as one of the top NHL teams in the very crowded Western Conference.

They currently employ Ryan Johansen, Kyle Turris, and Nick Bonino at center. Does Colton Sissons suck that much even as a fourth line center? Nashville has a fair amount of cap space to work with as well, and spending it on a 37 year old semi-retired teeth whitening model is an odd decision.

So naturally I expect the Kings to follow suit. Torrey Mitchell is the third line center after all. Michael Amadio is being thrust into the NHL sooner than one would have hoped. Adrian Kempe, who remains inconsistent as a 21 year old rookie learning to play center, is the second line center still.

So it’s time to see what the old guys are up to! Get in the van!

Jarret Stoll is only 35! He played on the Kings! He won two Cups! He hangs around with the Kings a ton still, just tell him to not go to Vegas this time! Just kidding. He can do what he wants because he’s awesome. Third line center!

Mike Richards is only 32!!! He gave the Kings...uh, one or two great years! Jeff Carter would recover faster from his leg injury probably if he saw his pal was back. Sure, there’s the concern Richards may piss all over himself with the first hit he took, but that’s a risk we should be willing to take.

They would probably agree to play for next to nothing, especially since Dean Lombardi is gone so they can travel without wondering if he put ISIS propaganda in their bags, so this could only end well. Again, I am right in my analysis. Thank you for the inspiration with your genius plot Nashville. Though I would suggest not trying to bring Mike Ribeiro back.