It’s unfortunately true, Ducks fans. Anaheim’s plan of seeing head coach Randy Carlyle get the boot by being swept in the first round did not pay off, and it was recently announced by General Manager Bob “What The Fuck Are You Playing At?” Murray, that RC would still remain coach for the next upcoming season. On the smaller bright side, the team also announced that defensive/penalty killing coach, Trent Yawney, would not come back.
During exit interviews with the media at the Honda Center, GMBM stated the team need to “play faster” and hopes that his chum Randy can dump & chase his players into doing exactly that with continuing to employ his system which is still stuck in 2007. Carlyle was heard off the record stating, “I can rally these stupid kids! The game is all about puck possession, and with the help of our slow & aging vets, we’ll out dump & chase the opposition!” Carlyle was also heard saying that he plans to convince Bob Murray into signing Jared Boll to a 5-year extension with a No-Movement Clause. “These assholes on my bench need to learn that grit is the key. If they want to see some ice time, they’ll need to prove that they belong on the top two lines!”
Of course, it’s still way too early to predict the outcome of next year, but I’m pretty certain that it’s going to be filled with 82 games of failed defensive zone exits by future Anaheim Ducks defenseman, Jack Johnson. Time to drink myself into a coma in hopes I don’t come out of it until summer of 2019.